PREGERS!
by CupKaykeskyline
Summary: Hatori ... PREGNANT! ... all that needs to be said!Attempted "Loin" cutting and Bad renditions of "READY STEADY GO!" Please review!Dry Humor anyone?...
1. Pants

It was a serene day at the seashore indeed. Azure seas covered the white sands of the beach. All of the Shoma family were there for a family reunion of sorts , with the omission of Akito . The sun was a rosy fireball as it prepared to plunge down into other seas. The sounds were mostly the norm except for the occasional rant from Kyo about the immense amount of water in front of him or "SORRY!" from Ritsu , who was dressed in a bikini despite the fact he was oh … a guy. As for Yuki and Tohru … they were too busy making out and cooing at each other to notice the festivities. Right now , the rest of the kin were preparing for the water race .

Momiji hopped up with great fervor onto an eroded molded boulder. He was wearing pink boxers trunks embodied with pink laughing bunnies. He also had a white T- shirt on which was not his plan , the lifeguards forced him to after constant accusation of being a girl.

"OKAY HERE IT GOES!!!!" Momiji pleasantly exclaimed "THE FIRST ONE TO REACH THE BUOY AND COME BACK WINS!!! ES GENT!(okay)" he bent over and did a peace sign with his hand on his hip. The spectators which were the Mabudachi trio: Hatori , Ayame , and Shigure listened intently , all planning to be the victor of the event parted to the commencement of the race which was the shoreline.

"I cannot wait to win the race and then , perchance win the approval of MY BELOVED BROTHER YUKI – SAN!!!!" Ayame pointed swollen with pride at the his younger brother who came up from Thoru's lips to stare daggers at his older , but not particularly smarter, brother.

Shigure laughed hard and ruffed up Ayame's perfect hair "not if I win first."

The mabudachi trio's attire was fairly basic . Shigure was clad in white boxers with red hearts adorned (they were actually his real underwear but who's gonna notice … right?). Hatori was wearing onyx shorts which in joint with his hair screamed emo quality.

All very simple , except for Ayame. He was fully clad in his latest collection from Mine . A mauve and canary yellow swimsuit with a built in feathery boa coat that was made with nylon so that it would dry easily. Striped trunks and matching shoes a midst , yes , Ayame was a sight to see indeed.

They all bent over in eagerness awaiting the go ahead from Momiji.who was dancing around with a song in his head . Hands up he sung … badly "READY STEADY CAN'T HOLD ME BACK!!! READY STEADY GIVE ME GOOD LUCK!!! READY STEADY NEVER LOOK BACK!!!LET'S GET STARTED READY STEADY GO!!!

He pumped his hands down zealously signaling the beginning of the pursuit. The trio treaded trough the water . It was a close race for the most part , until Shigure pushed ahead , just before the conclusion .

Shigure tiredly sauntered out of the shore and into the crowd of on lookers who witnessed the race. Ayame soon followed and tapped Shigure's shoulder and coolly said

" I look forward to our next encounter Shii – san"

"And I you … Ayame – san"

Silence

"ALL RIGHT!!!" the duo pointed "finger guns" at each other and laughed.

The festivity continued as usual until someone shouted "WHERE'S HATORI!"

"HELP!!!CRAMP!!" Hatori yelped with persistence at the multitude of family in front of the drowning man. Shigure and Ayame plunged into the waters to save there comrade . In the few minutes that seemed like and eternity , Tohru and Yuki got up from there elongated make out sess to verify there cousin's safe return. In a matter of time , the trio appeared , drenched on the shoreline of the beach , carrying a petrified Hatori , smiling

"OH YOUR OKAY HATORI – SAN OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSHOMYGOSH!!!!" Tohru belted out running toward the young man with determination. "I'm so glad your back … EHHH!?!?"

Tohru was so single-minded in wanting to witness Hatori alive that she forgot all about the "curse." She absentmindedly embraced him and at the same time pushed him back into the water.

Now Hatori was in his other form of a seahorse in his natural habitat.

"OH!!! HATORI – SAN!!! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!" Tohru squealed uncontrollably getting ready to dive into the waters but was held back by Yuki who calmed her down.

"Don't worry , he's in water. He'll be fine. Besides , he's way to small for you to go looking for him now." Yuki nibbled Tohru's ear lovingly.

"Well , okay … BUT I'LL SIT HERE UNTIL HE RETURNS!!!" Tohru raised her finger in innovation and sat on the sandy beach scanning the seas absorbedly.

After three hours Tohru was tired , but still bent on finding the seahorse holding a towel to embrace his nakedness.

About 15 minutes after, a naked, fairly **stress-free** and **relaxed **looking Hatori popped up and inquired

"Uh … can I have my pants?"

Yay!! This was really supposed to be a one shot but it started to run on too long soo … yeah! If you review … Kyo lives …CRINGE IN FEAR!!!


	2. EEEHHH

Xxx … 1 week later

"HATORI – SAN!!!" Tohru cried out in her giddy schoolgirl way that only she could. "… You okay?"

Hatori did not look like his usual self today. He was sweating , he was fidgeting beyond belief . Something was up.

"Uh … yeah … yeah" he scratched his head in agitation. "Uh… where's Shigure?"

Tohru pointed to the kitchen where Shigure was trying his best to make Soba noodles , he thought it was time that he learned how to make things since Tohru was a senior in high school.

"Hello … Shigure – san" Hatori spoke softly

"Hillo Hatori!!! How's it goin" Shigure didn't even turn around , he knew his voice by pure instinct . Also , he was too busy making his soba , and he was hungry ,VERY HUNGRY!

"Uh ... Can I trust you with a secret"

"Uh yeah … sure."

Hatori looked at Tohru and Yuki in the next room and whispered the covert secret in the author's ear.

"WHAT!!!"

"yeah…"

The duo began discussion about the secret , failing to remember all about the soba on the stove. It became a spark , then a flame , then a blaze then a full on inferno.

Tohru walked into the room and saw the immense fire in front of her eyes. "WHAT'S GOING ON SHIGURE – SAN!!!

"HATORI MIGHT BE PREGNANT THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON!!!

Silence

Tohru cooked her head "EEEEEEHHHHHH?!?!?"

The trio was so absorbed in betrayal , embarrassment, and down right confuzzeldness that they could not tend to the growing flame in front of them.

It's a good thing Yuki was there to calm the flames with a fire extinguisher before things got worse.

"What's going on!!" he asked in infuriation, out of all these people there , someone could have done something!

Not one said a word … all except of Tohru … poor lil Tohru

"EEEEHHHH?!?"

Yay!! Chapter 2 !! yes , it is possible for a seahorse to see the pregnancy after a week… so … yeah. Chapter three up next!!! Review pleasy weasy!!!


	3. Ingest

Tohru, Yuki, Shigure, and the motive for this mess, Hatori, all sat Indian-styled in the kitchen that had been overthrown with filth. In the way of debris, soot, and awkwardness they were all waiting for someone to say something … anything!

"So…" Shigure trailed "pregnant …how did that happen?"

"Yeah, I kinda thought that you needed a man and a woman to do that sort of stuff. Oh yeah! And the woman was supposed to get pregnant! "Yuki traced his hand in the grime on the floor which allowed the true potential of the wood to shine through.

"Not precisely Yuki – kun" Tohru cheerfully pointed her finger up in explanation "since Hatori – san's zodiac structure is a seahorse , it is plausible that he got pregnant during a span his seahorse alteration." Tohru scanned the room around for response and saw the whole audience trying to pick up there jaws. Did Tohru just talk … smart?

Tohru pouted " WHAT!? I'm smart too! I READ!"

They all contemplated what Tohru had to say .

"Well , then that means" Shigure cringed "Hatori had to have had-"

"Ewww … seahorse sex" Kyo butted in the conversation . He had just come back from a long cat nap (or coma if he couldn't here the ruckus a couple of hours earlier) in his room. He heard a good amount of what was said and decided he would help find the solution … or make it worse.

"So ... Tori … you got knocked up … huh? It's a good thing too. I thought all of that belly fat you were sporting came from old age." Kyo smiled a devilish grin sliding on the floor getting closer to Hatori.

"Stifle yourself Kyon" Hatori pushed him away in embarrassment , cheeks turning a deep red "I don't even know for sure … but I know what I did."

"EWWIE! Spare us the details Tori." Shigure held his hands up in disgust "But … why do you think you're pregnant in the first place?"

"Well, I've been sick , and my feet are getting swollen and …"

"And what?" Yuki asked with interest.

"I'VE BEEN CRAVING PICKLES OKAY!" Hatori screamed with fire in his eyes.

"… and massive mood swings!" Tohru added.

"Well that's still not enough right?" Shigure asked

"Well what else am I supposed to do?" Hatori sarcastically inquired.

"How about a pregnancy test?" Yuki nonchalantly queried.

"Well, yeah… I guess … but whose going to get them?"

"How about you king of dumbdom" Kyo chuckled.

"I can't get it!" Hatori exclaimed wide eye " I'm a respected doctor! I can't be seen with something as obscene as that! People would think that I'm some sort of … LECHER!"

"That's because you are" Kyo taunted. Hatori glared at Kyo, preparing to get in a war of words . They were both cut off by Tohru who chimed in.

"I'll get it!"

"Really you will Tohru!" Hatori was ecstatic!

"Yes , of course. All of you are like brothers to me!( yea Loretta537!!) Hehe well except for Yuki because that would be ingest!"

"Incest … Tohru" Yuki corrected

"Oh! Yeah!" Tohru laughed heartily.

And thus the journey began. To find the oh so sought after treasure of a pregnancy test.

Yea! Sorry for the short chapter! This is a fun fiction to right! Thanks to my reviewers (all 2 of them!) and next chapter : the quest for the test! BYE!


	4. CUT OFF HIS LOINS!

"Okay I'm off Yuki- kun to get the P-R-E-G-N-A-N-C-Y T-E-S-T" Tohru giggled in secrecy.

It was a day after the decision that Tohru would get "test" for Hatori who was biting his nails on the floor at the time. Kyo on the other hand was poking the living daylights out of his belly and getting quite a jolly from it. His stomach was becoming quite large and they were they were 75 , no make that 50 percent sure that he was indeed pregnant. The other 50 percent was blamed on the food he was eating because he was nervous over which percentage was right … I've never seen anyone eat that many Oreos in my life.

"Okay, but I'm going with you. But you don't have to spell it out for us , none of us are five , we all get it…"

Just then Shigure bid adieu "Okay good luck with your penny twist!!!" he clapped his hands merrily.

."… Well, Shigure, he's kinda five so … it works out. Let's go Tohru."

…XXXX …

"Okay, here's what you do, if you see anyone that we know, tell them it's for a friend got it?"

"Yes sir!" the auburn haired schoolgirl saluted. She did cheesy stuff like that when she was nervous.

It was one of those perfect days, you know. Those kinds of days where it's not too hot, not too cold, no pimps trying to "recruit" you and the streets smelled a little less like urine today. Perfection without a doubt.

During their stroll they decided that the best place to go was the eight- twelve, a little convenience store on many a corner of Tokyo. Someplace that had the goods, but would not draw much attention to them. Also, they had those tasty burritos … mmmm … heart burn.

Walking into the store, the "ding-dong" sound chimed through it, signaling a new visitor. Someone that seemed to be preoccupied with the newest issue of "We Bust Caps in Suckas Who Step to Us with Weak Game Monthly" sat at the front desk right next to the "Stop Gang Violence" bumper stickers… Irony much?

The young couple scurried around the stockpile looking for what they hungered for. It wasn't long before they found the lengthy aisle. Tohru was astounded. "WOW look Yuki they have the E.P.T one!" she picked up the rectangular purple and white box. She frowned her face and with a grim voice she grumbled "The most technological thing you will ever pee on." She loved that commercial. "Okay …" Yuki sighed "let's get that one then."

Money in hand the duo walked to the cashier and placed the test on the reception desk "Umm we'd like to purchase this please."

"Hmn… Oh, okay" the person peered from her magazine to glance at the brunette girl and the silver locked boy.

Tohru was frozen for a while. The girl looked very tough, like she wasn't afraid to cut someone, Blonde hair and blue eyes. In fact she knew this "person" very well. In fact it was one of her best friends, Arisa- Chan. This was going to be interesting.

"UO-CHAAAAANNN!!" Tohru wildly raised her hands to divert attention from the test while Yuki placed it behind his back, for if she saw it, Yuki would surly end up in the hospital, especially since she learned some new tricks from the magazine she was reading a few moments prior. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, look who the cat dragged in Jima! It's our good friend Tohru-Chan!" she crossed her arms playfully.

"This is a grand moment indeed." A young girl popped up out of nowhere clad in all black, Hana- Jima.

The blonde chimed "Oh, I forgot to tell you! I work here now. I got in a little scuffle with manager there."

The most emo of the group added "and I liked the benefits so I decided to work here also. The burritos are quite good as well." She had no emotion at all.

"Well now that that's aside, what do you want to buy?" Arisa rested her chin on her hand.

Tohru started to sweat "UHHHH… IT'S FOR A FRIEND!!!"

The Yankee became suspicion. "What's for a friend? Tohru you don't have any friends besides us!" She got up from her chair and began advancing toward Yuki and pulls the object from the behind his back and was shocked." E.P.T! THE MOST TECHNOLOGICAL THING YOU WILL EVER PEE ON!!!" Uo glanced back at Hana who was shaking her head "I knew I felt sexual waves coming from them."

The blonde glared back at Yuki "Lock the door Jima!"

"Okay … click"

Arisa threw Yuki violently "HOW DARE YOU DEFLOWER THE SANCTITY THAT IS TOHRU'S VA JAY JAY!!" she slapped him "JIMA GIVE ME THE KNIVES!!!WE'LL CUT OFF HIS LOINS!!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Tohru yelled "p-Please stop it! It really is for a friend! It's for Hatori!!"

The whole room was silent, Tohru just let the secret out.

"Who?"

"Did I say Hatori? I meant Hatori's girlfriend … YUNA!!! Yeah that's it!"

"… Well" Arisa let go of her grasp of Yuki(holding his shirt so he doesn't transform) "I want to see this so called girlfriend of Hatori's. How about now!"

"Uh… Okay!" Tohru smiled while screaming inside _nonononono!!!! _

Now the foursome were heading to the Sohma main house to see Hatori's none existing girlfriend… What about the job?

Yea!!! It toke me a while to post this! Please review and tell me what you think!


	5. Horizontal Hare Hare Yukai?

Baka baka baka baka

_Baka baka baka baka!_

These are the words that Tohru mumbled under her breath to her self, but just loud enough for Yuki to hear. He nudged her and whispered "Tohru, this is the English translation."

_Oh, right! Idiot idiot idiot idiot… _

What do you ask has Tohru so bent out of shape? Forgetting the fact that she's speaking to the good ol' U.S.A no less! Well she spilt the beans (Natto beans if you're asking, because they're stinky … and full of protein … perfect for the situation!). Tohru was so petrified at the visionary of the painful Lorena Bobbitt-esck consequences that would ensue if she didn't "spill" to Hana-Jima and Arisa and told them that someone, Hatori's girlfriend , needed the pregnancy test when in actuality, it was a different story altogether. She's forgetting that Hatori's girlfriend is actually non – existing and that Hatori is … let's face it, PREGERS!! Now back to the web of lies …

"Are you sure Hatori's girlfriend, Yuna was it, is even at the main house , or exists in this world." Uo grabbed a hold of the brunette "Tohru, you can just tell us if you and Yuki are doing the horizontal polka."

Jima chimed in "Wait, wouldn't that make more since if we were in Germany."

"Well, Horizontal Hare Hare Yukai then, happy!"

"That makes no since either because it para para, meaning it's done with the hands, not with the gen-"

"STOP PLEASE!!" Tohru insisted she hated sexual innuendo, especially ones in the form of dances that she liked to boogie to. Polka is her favorite.

"I assure you that Hatori's girlfriend **is** at the main house and **looks** like she is pregnant." Tohru said in a matter of factually kind of way. Liar.

Just then, a vague shadow appeared behind the gang. Even though it was behind them, they could tell it was none other than …

FRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEE!!

One Winged Otaku pops out - Hi kids! This is where I need your help! There's a poll on my profile about who you would like to appear in my last two chapters! It will last for about two weeks after this update. One will appear the next chapter all the way to the end of this story and the other will appear in the last chapter. So…

Be a hun

Vote for two

Don't forget

**Please review! **


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